dropping bricks on people's heads

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep his commands." -Deut 7:9

i came across this verse tonight and i was just blown away... and to be honest, it's been a while since i've been blown away by any verse i've read in the Good Book. in the past, i've been touched, inspired, and encouraged, to be sure - but to suddenly feel as if someone dropped a brick on your head is a whole other ball of wax.

what grabbed me about this verse is the fact that it's not just 1 person, not just 10 people or 10 families yesterday, today, or tomorrow that God is faithful to. it says "a thousand generations of those who love him". every struggle, every trial, every doubt that i wrestle with in life - there have been people who have gone before me - generations, in fact - who have all had the same struggles, the same trials, the same doubts. yet God was just as faithful to those people back then as he is today. right now. at this very moment.

i am privileged to say that i have warehouse of many amazing stories of how God has revealed himself to me - ways that he has absolutely won me over time and again, ways that make it impossible for me to deny his existence. and yet... and yet... there are times when i still wobble and buckle under the weight of my own fears, my doubts, my weaknesses. why am i saying all of this? it's not something i'm bragging about - it's a point i'm trying to make. you think that when God gives you a knock-you-off-your-ass experience - no just once, but multiple times, mind you - that you would never doubt his promises, never doubt his faithfulness. but guess what - i STILL do. BAH!

like it says in the verse, i am bound by a covenant of love to him. that means it's a promise. a promise based on pure, unconditional, no-strings-attached LOVE. God doesn't want me because i drive a cool car, or i have an interesting job (however, let's be honest-i do have a cool car and i do have and interesting job ) - he just wants me. simple little me.

he has never broken any of his promises with anyone yet - so why would he start with me?

i'm tired. goodnight.

i don't get it.

i've been in a very bloggy mood lately. i usually don't blog a lot, but i was just reflecting recently about how much fear we live in today. it's amazing to me. i really don't get it...we consider ourselves to be advanced in technology and quality of living, there are still many things that have stayed the same. ignorance, racism...we fill our homes with tvs, we have all access to worldwide information at our fingertips, we can hop on a plane and go to another city, another country if we choose - yet we fill our minds with junk, we turn a blind eye to the world. you would think that with the easy access we have to these things, we would take advantage of that to advance our minds, open up our way of thinking, explore the world. what's sad to me is that we CHOOSE to live this way. no one is holding a gun to our heads and forcing us to live the way we do, watch what we watch. it's a choice. it's inherent for people to look inward within themselves to fulfill their immediate needs or urges versus looking outward and looking beyond themselves, pouring themselves into others lives and enriching quality of life in other people.

my eiffel tower lamp

i just want everyone to know that after searching high and low for several months, i finally found the lamp of my dreams: a table lamp shaped like the eiffel tower! i have never wanted anything so bad as this lamp. i went to 5 different targets. i searched everywhere on the internet. i went to lamps plus. i went to bed bath and beyond. i searched in antique shops...need i go on? out of sheer luck, i just happened to breeze past the lamp section at target again last weekend, and there happened to be 3 left that were put back out on the floor! thank you, God!!! ok...maybe i shouldn't be thanking God. i realize there are other more significant things in life that i should be thanking Him for, but i was really, really excited by this discovery.

i realize that for the average homosapien with a limited imagination, it sounds potentially tacky, but it really isn't. the lamp base is black wire formed in the shape of the eiffel tower, with a linen/cross hatch tapered lamp shade that tastefully coordinates with it (yes, i had to choose the lamp shade). every day that i come home to my wonderful little cubbyhole, i turn on this fabulous little beacon, and am fondly reminded of my first time in paris standing underneath this giant metallic monstrosity, gazing up at it in sheer awe. and the flippin' solicitors standing two feet away from me waving cheesy souvenirs while chanting "ni hao! ni hao!" i think that means "hello" in chinese. grrr. ok, maybe not all of it was a fond memory.

oh geez, it's time for bed. why am i blogging about this again?