dropping bricks on people's heads

"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love Him and keep his commands." -Deut 7:9

i came across this verse tonight and i was just blown away... and to be honest, it's been a while since i've been blown away by any verse i've read in the Good Book. in the past, i've been touched, inspired, and encouraged, to be sure - but to suddenly feel as if someone dropped a brick on your head is a whole other ball of wax.

what grabbed me about this verse is the fact that it's not just 1 person, not just 10 people or 10 families yesterday, today, or tomorrow that God is faithful to. it says "a thousand generations of those who love him". every struggle, every trial, every doubt that i wrestle with in life - there have been people who have gone before me - generations, in fact - who have all had the same struggles, the same trials, the same doubts. yet God was just as faithful to those people back then as he is today. right now. at this very moment.

i am privileged to say that i have warehouse of many amazing stories of how God has revealed himself to me - ways that he has absolutely won me over time and again, ways that make it impossible for me to deny his existence. and yet... and yet... there are times when i still wobble and buckle under the weight of my own fears, my doubts, my weaknesses. why am i saying all of this? it's not something i'm bragging about - it's a point i'm trying to make. you think that when God gives you a knock-you-off-your-ass experience - no just once, but multiple times, mind you - that you would never doubt his promises, never doubt his faithfulness. but guess what - i STILL do. BAH!

like it says in the verse, i am bound by a covenant of love to him. that means it's a promise. a promise based on pure, unconditional, no-strings-attached LOVE. God doesn't want me because i drive a cool car, or i have an interesting job (however, let's be honest-i do have a cool car and i do have and interesting job ) - he just wants me. simple little me.

he has never broken any of his promises with anyone yet - so why would he start with me?

i'm tired. goodnight.